Monday, July 19, 2010

Are Librarians Too Ugly?

Above: the portrait of a librarian.

Newsweek is running a story, "The Beauty Advantage" and Bitch Magazine had a story "from the library" about images of librarians in movies, and that had me wonder if librarians are just too damn ugly.

Below: the portrait of every woman who is not a librarian.

Now, notice that I don't ask if librarians are ugly. Because we might be. I form that conclusion because of the cats. If you have more feline companions than you have human companions, then maybe I'm talking about you.

But I'm wondering if we're too ugly. I wonder why people don't seem to respect our profession -- why not? because of how we look? Beautiful people seem to get everything, the best jobs, the best lovers, the best treatment. Television is filled with both naturally and artificially created beauties.

Librarians are always told to look good on paper, that it's what's inside that matters, but Newsweek tells us we should just have big tits.

So let's assume that we're not hot. When budgets get cut, librarians lose jobs. But the hot firemen and hot cops keep their jobs. Yeah, you convince yourself it's about public safety, but maybe it's really because we have asses like Pilates balls.

So assuming I make even the tiniest of valid arguments, what should librarians do? Do we need better health benefits that pay for chin lifts and tummy tucks? Do we need to start a "Ban the Bun" movement?

What if this is true? What if the world sees us as George Bailey finds Mary in his alternate reality, a dried up spinster and library caretaker?

But look at those Before (below) and After (above) pictures; that's still the same actress, Donna Reed playing Mary.

Sure, she's an eyesore in the Above picture, but look what a little hair brushing and lipstick can do in the Below picture.

So maybe we should have a Hot Librarian Day... where we make a little more effort to look good. Guys can trim that chin fuzz they call a beard, get a hair cut and wear a tie. And women can hit the Aveda for some make-up and maybe wear heels. And maybe, just for once, we can collectively look good, not totally hot, but on average, decent.

And if that isn't possible, maybe we can just call in sick to keep the average up.