Tuesday, September 9, 2008

It's freakin' chicken!

I want to be a librarian for Kentucky Fried Chicken. To guard the identities of the secret recipe "eleven herbs and spices," there would be ten more librarians and each of us would only know one of the ingredients. And we could never be in the same location at the same time. Or at the same company picnic. My code name would be "Pepper."

For the first time in 20 years, the recipe for the original eleven herbs and spices for Kentucky Fried Chicken has see the light of day. One of the most highly guarded corporate secrets, the colonel's secret recipe is known to only two executives at any time. Multiple suppliers blend the recipe for the famous chicken so no two suppliers have the entire list of ingredients.

But when the aged, yellowing slip of paper was removed from its hiding place, KFC President Roger Eaton glanced at the list and noticed, probably for the first time in the history of the 68-year-old recipe, that paprika was listed twice.

"Holy crap!" shouted Eaton at the revelation that Colonel Sanders' secret recipe might contain only ten herbs and spices. "But it says right at the top, '11 herbs and spices Kentucky chicken.' But that senile old bastard wrote paprika twice. What the hell is the eleventh ingredient? It's been so long that anyone's seen this recipe, does anyone even know?"

As a backup to the recipe, "Vials of the herbs and spices are also stored in the secret filing cabinet." But when Eaton checked them, they were only filled with marijuana and cat hair.

Handcuffed to the arm of security guard, the chicken recipe had to be moved to the secure kitchens of KFC to create their new line of Original recipe chicken strips.

"Yeah, that's the answer," sighed Eaton. "Screw the 'eleven herbs' crap. We'll just call everything Original recipe, and no one will ever know."