In the days before discovering the dying space alien in that Peruvian mountain cavern; before he passed his awesome cosmic powers to me; before he made me promise to use my powers for good and not evil, I was something else.
"You mean in the before time?"
Yes, little one. In the before time.
Here is some crap I wrote for another web site, before someone named Tomás got me drunk and did terrible (but sweet) things to me in a darkened warehouse that I have since rationalized into the above lie:
Get Off Your Ass and Wind Your Watch
Get off Your Ass and Get off Your Ass
Get Off Your Ass and Save Mine
Get Off Your Ass and Save the World
Get Off Your Ass and Cut the Grass
Get Off Your Ass and Clear That Level
Get Off Your Ass and Slay That Bad Thing
Get Off Your Ass and Moon the Earth
Get Off Your Ass and Pray, Dammit, Pray
Get Off Your Ass and Get on the Mountain
Get off Your Ass and Get on the Hutch
They were supposed to be about video games, but mostly there weren't. Enjoy. Names and identities have been changed to protect the innocent.