Earlier this year, Lani Yoshimura opened the library doors to find two toddlers
on the doorstep, one of which had only recently learned to walk. Yoshimura,
suspecting the mother would return, took the toddlers in, set them up with a
book and took care of them until their mother came back about eight hours
later.
Lani should have absolutely called family services. I understand that librarians like to help people: how they got that idea, I don't know. I became a librarian because I lost a bet. I bet that Alice Cooper was a woman. And so I had to either "streak" through the cafeteria during second lunch or become a librarian. And if you know me, you know I'm not getting naked in front of anybody. I have this birthmark near my "special place" that looks like a squashed tomato. It's huge. I don't want to talk about it.
Anyway, this is rule number one: if you take on the responsibility of watching the child, you become responsible for the child.
With older adults spending hours in the library, medical emergencies are
inevitable, Yoshimura said. She can recall multiple instances where she has had
to care for people with chest pains, who fainted or are suffering other dire
medical needs. The librarians, trained in first aid and true to their form as
Jacks of all trades, become impromptu emergency medical technicians.
This is rule number two: if you take on the responsibility of caring for the sick and elderly, you become responsible for the sick and elderly.
The minute something goes wrong, you are going to end up in court. Guaranteed.
Q: Did you, Mrs. Q, have the expectation that the library would care for
your child and not let the serial killer take him away and eat him?
A: Yes. We have left our child on the steps of the library several
times and the librarian accepted my child into the library and cared for him.
What happened to my child is the library's responsibility.
and
Q: Did Mr. X have the expectation of receiving proper care when he collapsed
at the library and died?
A: Yes. Because the library
told the reporter that they are trained to offer medical assistance.
Of course, I'm not a lawyer (IANAL): you see this suit? The lapels are seven inches wide. You see this Festiva I'm driving? A Festiva?!! Do I look like a lawyer? But what I say is true.
Our library policies state:
POL-A029. Upon the discovery that a child, who has been left in the library unattended while you went off to get the car washed or catch Jim Carrey's latest madcap romp, has been abducted, the librarian on duty will place a call to 911. When he finally does materialize, we will not offer the parent or guardian coffee, or an aspirin. The library does not sympathize with you for your loss. You ass.
and
POL-A116. If you collapse in the library or are otherwise discovered to
be unconscious, the librarian on duty will go through your pockets and take your stuff.
If you continue to babysit people's kids, you will become a babysitter. If you continue to give medical assistance to old people, then old people will continue to visit the library. And your library will be filled with old people and kids. Are you insane????????
