Monday, May 24, 2010

What to expect when you retire from the library...

True headline: "End of a 'storied' career: Spring Lake librarian Ann Rivecca checks out of her job."

Wow, two library/book cliches packed in that one. And this is what we have to look forward to after 10 or 20 or (God forbid) 30 years at the same job.

I hope to die in the fiery explosion that results from trying to download an Android app onto my iPhone.

Whenever Gizmodo opens the latest iPhone and asks, "What's that chip? It must me some propriety Apple chip," what they neglect to notice is that the "chip" is actually a wafer of high explosive, enough to blow your "librarian" glasses right off your face.

So let's assume you're already retired and let's get this over with now. Just fill in the blanks and keep this handy for the inevitable painfully-worded press release:
After [insert number here] years at the [insert library here], [insert your name here] is calling it a day and locking the drop box for good.

I'm Seriesous. You'll bee nTitled to cheer when the Subject of this story says she/he loves Authors and that her/his Keyword is Books.

She/He ends this chapter and closes the book on this library job. She/He discards these responsibilities and leaves them on the cart for others to reshelve.

And that about covers it. Oh, and the drop box will be open again tomorrow. I just meant that figuratively. But [insert your name here] won't be here; she/he was fired for selling all the personal information from your library card applications to identity thieves.