Friday, May 7, 2010

Walt Disney World Vacation Tips.

Tip #6: Getting Drunk at EPCOT.

Summertime is vacation time, and what better way to spend your hard-earned dollars than to support Florida tourism, support a huge global mouse-eared corporation, and guzzle lots of booze.

So here are my tips for getting drunk in EPCOT at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. This tour takes a clockwise route through the EPCOT World Showcase, stopping at the usual places I stop for booze and food. The food choices I suggest are meant to optimize your boozing experience by being both cheap, which leaves more money for boozing, and greasy enough to help absorb all that alcohol.

WARNING: I am not a doctor, but I'm guessing that consuming this much booze in one afternoon would be pretty bad for most children. And adults. So drink responsibly or don't drink at all.
  • Mexico, tequila (bartender's choice).
  • China, Lotus Blossom Cafe, Egg rolls $3.99.
  • Germany, white wine, beer.
  • Italy, shoot embarrassing slightly drunk video for your friends at home.
  • Japan, beer.
  • France, red wine and a chocolate eclair.
  • International Gateway, shoot another much more drunk video for your friends at home where you tell them how much they mean, man, and how you're going to be a much better person from now on and how getting older and staying friends with them and staying cool forever is totally gonna rock. Yes, you should make this video. Because it's what I do it pretty much every time I go.
  • United Kingdom, Rose and Crown Pub, English chips $2.99 (or $4, I forget). Have a Large Guinness and hang out for about an hour talking to people. But don't get too loud because they will ask to leave.
  • Canada, have another beer. Lose your shoe in the waterfall.
Repeat the trip around the EPCOT World Showcase one more time. Then go back and wait to ride Soarin and when you're flying over the orange groves, throw up.

You can also throw up on the GM Test Track if you please. But if you want to throw up on a ride where no one will suspect you are drunk, go on Mission: SPACE. Everyone pukes on that thing.