Tuesday, January 6, 2009

China is our new ISP.

Our librarians are tired of dealing with porn. If we don't filter out the porn, we have to endure accidental glances at "scat" video and deal with the many patron complaints; but if we filter, we get that usual holier-than-thou look down their noses attitude from the "true" librarians, the guardians of free speech.

So from this moment on, we will cease filtering the Internet. But we will also block the porn. Because we're moving our server to China. Thank you, China, for blocking all the porn.

Now we can have the best of both worlds: no porn plus no guilt. If someone wants to complain that he can't use Google Images, we refer him to Hu Jintao, General Secretary of the Communist Party of China, President of the People's Republic of China.

Who do I contact about lifting the filter?

That's right.




No, Hu.


Of course.

Oh, the hilarity!

And yes, China also blocks the BBC and CNN and Greenpeace and the Library of Congress and... but really, it's worth it.

Oh, and here's a tip: if you use Babel Fish to translate Chinese to English, make sure you pick the correct option otherwise you get an official government document that reads, "...male faints luxuriantly ... offer a sacrifice to the fat flower bud to indulge in wine ... forgives the auspicious clam... to chase the silkworm... to stare friendly decorates a grain of nosebleed... sweet wine hemorrhoids..."

But choosing the correct translation tool doesn't do much better, "The Internet illegal and the bad information complaint center simultaneously announced the first batch of existence to violate the common courtesy, to impair the young people physical and moral integrity massively the vulgar content 19 websites."

So when patrons complain about the filtering, we'll just hand them this (again, translated):

The Internet illegal and the bad information complaint center requests the above website, cleans up the bad vulgar information earnestly, and asks the web cam inspector general to clean up the effect. The public may land the central website (the http:// net.china.com.cn), then the click “reports the entrance”, according to the prompt filling in related content, does not need to register.