Sunday, October 26, 2008

Michael Myers warned as Halloween approaches

As Halloween draws near, police in Haddonfield, Illinois are beefing up patrols and cracking down on serial murderers, officials said.

Children dressed as goblins and ghouls will be joined Oct. 31 by 35 sheriff's officers, officials said. Local police will also check in with registered serial murderers on the two days before Halloween to make sure they follow the laws governing their activities during the child-centric occasion, police said.

"Knock on wood, Halloween's been relatively mild the last several years I can remember," said Sheriff Leigh Brackett, Jr.

The Division of Public Safety sent a letter this month to exactly 1 registered serial murderer telling him to stay inside from 6 p.m. Oct. 31 until the next morning and not to answer his door for trick-or-treaters, and especially not to kill them, said Frederick Mixter, a spokesman for the public safety department.

The letter also included a "No Murder" sign adorned with a butcher knife graphic, which the offender was told to display on the front door of his home. "Teens like to party in spooky houses on Halloween," Mixter said, "but this sign should give them plenty of warning to engage in their sexcapades elsewhere, like in the vacant garage behind Roy's filling station. That's where me and the missus go."

"We're trying to keep the public safe, and we're also trying to make the serial murderers understand that they need to remain in compliance," Mixter said. "In this case, only one serial murderer, but you get the point."

But Geoff Wilkins, attorney for the sole recipient of the public safety letter, says his client, Michael Myers, in unfairly being singled out. "Michael is a good kid, who because of his history, is being targeted by law enforcement. It's pure harassment," said Wilkins. "In the 30 years since the unfortunate accident that resulted in the mutilations and deaths of Michael's family, the police have been blaming him for all kinds of horrific crimes. This letter is the ultimate outrage because the eye holes in Michael's killing mask make it impossible for him to read the tiny print."

"But I say what I've always said when these crimes happen," Wilkins added, "look for the real killer because Michael was with me all night bowling. You probably saw another seven-foot-tall monster in a white William Shatner mask doing all that killing."

[story stolen from "Sex Offenders Are Warned as Halloween Approaches," By Matt Zapotosky, Washington Post Staff Writer. Thursday, October 23, 2008], but changed because child molesters aren't funny. But fictional butcher knife-wielding Halloween murderers are hilarious.