Tuesday, June 24, 2008

When life gives you lemons, do something that doesn't make you suck.

I know most libraries are suffering from budget cuts, and I know that everyone is suffering from higher gas prices, but people continue to visit libraries. You might worry that your stats will plummet because no one wants to drive, but that isn't happening. They continue to come.

And now that they're at the front door, what do you do?

I suggest that you offer more programs and more programs and more programs. If summer programming has your meeting rooms maxed-out, then good for you. But for everyone else, think up stuff. There's lots of stuff you can do. No, I don't know what. Check the googly for what other libraries are doing. And there's tons of stuff: favorite author websites, best shopping websites, gardening tips, weatherproofing your home, online museums and zoos, how to upload photos to flickr, picasa, photobucket, more story times, how to use a database, best video game sites, new books, new dvds, new music, show movies,... I don't know. If you already have the computer or video equipment, adding extra classes doesn't cost much, just time.

The answer is to schedule more programs, not fewer. Make visitors feel that the trip to the library is worth the added expense of driving. And whatever you have to offer, promote it more.

This is still my favorite way to promote the library: put the attractive kids up front. I know I can't suggest that you only select attractive students for your library and volunteer positions, but take a good look at those kids you have and pick one with some self-esteem, who doesn't slouch or perpetually stare at the carpet, or doesn't smoke or have double-digit face piercings, or doesn't have terrible skin or awful hair. And put those kids in the front of the library to greet visitors. Give them newsletters to hand out. Give them shopping bags to give out. Just have them smile and tell people where the Internet computers are. But attractive people make everyone feel good. This isn't me saying this; this is science. Yes, I agree that there is no norm for what beauty is, but look for the kid with a nice smile, hair, posture and decent clothes. Yes, I know pickings are slim. Also, if you keep the attractive kids up by the front in plain view, instead of deep in the stacks shelving books, the pedophiles will be less likely to harass them.

And what about us? Do you think libraries began with all of the jobs filled with cat people and holiday sweater wearers? No. The modern librarian looks the way she does because of a million years of Blair and Lillian Vernon catalogs. So this will be a long process. But start with the attractive kids. Then that will bring more attractive kids and parents. And then the homeless people might see all these nice people and leave. And then the librarians will see all the attractive people in the building and shed those sweaters and send for some Lands' End or J. Jill catalogs, or dare I say, Spiegel. Because they will no longer fear getting any homeless funk on their nice, new clothes.

And as soon as we all become attractive: