An Open Letter to Everyone I Will Ever Piss Off.

It's difficult for me to make a joke without making it seem like an insult. Recently, I posted something on LISNews about, well, read it:

"Who else got "Colleen" drawn in their Unshelved book? at least, I think it's Colleen. it's sort of a cloud or lake landscape with the twin setting suns of Tatooine... no, wait, it's Colleen.
Did anyone else order Frequently Asked Questions to get the bonus drawing and autographs (it looks like a "G-something" and "B-something-with-a-dot")?
Just wondering if Bill varied what he drew and what the distribution might be and how rare each drawing is and how collectible and which mylar bag should I use and how much will it be worth in five years and does anyone ever read my blog?"

For those who don't read Unshelved, the authors are Gene Ambaum and Bill Barnes. And after I wrote that, I tweeted Bill the link to the question, and he replied:

Yes, that's Colleen. As a rule each book has a character and catchphrase that I scribble in it when signing. That way we don't have to think about it, which is good when we're signing hundreds and hundreds of books. For FAQ it was Colleen and the catchphrase was "Don't ask us!". But anyone who asked for something specific got it.
Some cartoonists offer "artist editions" of their books for an additional dollar amount, with real took-some-time drawings. I don't pretend that this is what we're giving you for being nice enough to preorder. But then we didn't charge you for it either :-)

I didn't mean sound ungrateful for the drawing and signature. But as a consumer, I feel I always have a right to criticize, even when the product is free. I'm sure if I ever get to Heaven, I'll complain, "You mean I obeyed three of those Commandments for this?"

You could argue that the drawing and signature wasn't free, since it was a bonus offered to induce a purchase. But still, Bill doesn't need to cramp up his drawing hand to sign a couple hundred books in order to get people to buy; he could have produced a limited edition postcard or mini-poster or bumper sticker.

When authors and artists offer these gifts (I also purchased a copy of Little Brother by Cory Doctorow through the mail for the signature and inscription and free shipping offer that Borderlands made), we should be polite and say "thanks" and not be assholes. Otherwise these authors will discontinue these practices, and we will have to wait in long lines at boring conventions just to get something signed.

So, thanks Bill. I will cherish my scribble. Until I sell it. Tomorrow.

Good. That's done. I don't need to be adding more names to my other blog.