BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST® PARODY FOR THE CLASS OF 2030
inspired by Mindless Lists by The Annoyed Librarian. This might not make any sense unless you read AL's post first.
Most of the students entering College this fall, members of the Class of 2030, were born in 2008. For them, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Ryan Seacrest, and Donald Trump have always been dead. From cancer; horrible, horrible cancer.
- For them, George W. Bush is the President of Iraq.
- Water is a rare vapor carried in balloons and absorbed slowly into the skin via a complex series of tubes.
- They never lost an eye to a pirate.
- The Internet is a vitamin supplement taken as a suppository.
- The Burger King is the real King of France and rules with an iron fist.
- For them, space aliens have always been harvesting our genitals for food, so the codpiece isn't just fashionable, it's necessary.
- OJ Simpson didn't do the first two, but he damn sure did the third through the sixteenth.
- God has always been a red, ticklish, furry, stuffed toy.
- Spanasgrish has always been the offical language.
- California has always been an abandoned island in the Pacific Ocean swarming with poisonous beavers.
- Mother China has always watched over us.
- George Clooney is still our most handsome serial killer.
- Dakota Fanning was a cannibal activist before being declared Pope Elvis II.
- Panda meat has always been a delicious snack.
- They go to the library because it's cool.
- Sex smells like rich, dark chocolate.
- Cars convert body waste material into fuel, but you still need to pull over to fill up the tank.
- They believe it when JK Rowling says the next Harry Potter book will be the last.
- What are cell phones?
- If you rupture your skin, you die.
- Most times when a dog calls 911, he's just screwing around.
- They remember where they were when President Kennedy was re-animated then assassinated all over again. They were at Disney World; it's their most popular attraction.