Love your librarian: Me.

This will be the third year that I will nominate myself for the "I Love My Librarian" award. And this time I expect to win.

I think my problem with my previous applications began with the severe limitations within the very first box:

1. Please tell us in 2-3 sentences why your nominee should win this award. What sets him/her apart? (Response limited to 100 words)

100 words? Is this the, I Love My Twitter Librarian Award?

How can I lie about my accomplishments using only 100 words? Maybe if they were really big words. But how do I work in "antidisestablishmentarianism" to answer that question? And what the hell does that word have to do with librarians anyway? Unless I can redefine it to mean the opposition to the disestablishment of public libraries. That could work. Paste that baby in 40 or 50 times and I'm sure to win.

But now that I read the guidelines for nominations, I'm not so sure I'll nominate myself after all. Because I don't understand this part:

I am a librarian/work in a library. Can I nominate my colleague?
In the spirit of this unique award and in honoring the relationship between library users and librarians, only library users should submit nominations.

I never realized that librarians could not be library users. There is a discussion going on at LISNews as to whether convicted sex offenders should be allowed to use public libraries, but I never considered whether librarians should be allowed to use public libraries.

As a librarian, I wonder if I need to tell someone that I've been using the library. If only I'd paid attention in library school, I bet they covered that part in class.

Librarians love awards.

I had a comment two posts back about a new group called "Shovers and Makers" which is a new award "for the rest of us."

But if you look at the list of "winners, " you can see that these librarians are the kind that should normally win awards for excellence from their local systems or consortia. These are the people I wish I was, but I'm not. These are the librarians I'd like to be, but can never be (because of my height). So I had to add my name to the list. the.effing.librarian is to excellence what a flame thrower is to a cheese sandwich.

I'm not lying, I'm a doer. But I don't do anything that my library would be proud to mention. So my award shelf, that I made in ninth grade wood shop with a horse head on one end and stained the whole thing "mocha victory" which is a beautiful chocolate color that would show off the gold and silver cups and plaques and statuettes beautifully, that I planned to fill with all of my awesome library accomplishments, is still only collecting dust. And supporting a tiny plastic Homer Simpson eating a donut. Here's a photo.

So any award is welcome. I accept them all with equal enthusiasm. So here is my self-awarded award as a Shover and Maker:

I write the.effing.librarian blog, for about two years now. And I still haven't been fired from my real job.

I am absolutely compelled to join any group which would normally exclude a person like me. Thank you for this honor.

My blobogok (google it) is for sale on Amazon for $1,000. But my blobogok in PDF is free is you ask nicely. If you buy a copy, I can absolutely guarantee that I will go out and get drunk with the money. Okay, okay, I'll donate some of the money to help sick children or cure some disease or something. There, you feel better? Now buy a copy of the damn book.

I am so outrageously important that I just wet myself from excitement.

The Golden Delete Key Award

I'm presenting myself with an award. I didn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, but I created it, so who better to receive the inaugural presentation of the award than me.

I would like to thank all the little people who made this award possible. Frankly, you people. Since I have the award and you don't, that makes me much better at whatever it is the award is about.

The Golden Delete Key Award goes to bloggers who don't suck. It's for anyone who knows enough to hit "delete" rather than to post worthless crap.

So if this describes you, then please, accept this award with me; display it with pride on your blog. If you know others who don't suck, send a copy to them. After all, it's just an image: right-click and Save (I don't know what you Mac people need to do to get one). Let everyone know that you don't suck. Because without an award like this, how else would they know?

And in the spirit of "Right Back Atcha," I would like to pass this award to @ the library for all around blogging excellence.

Yes, he did just present me with this wonderful "Premio" award, and yes that's how I thought of the idea to create The Golden Delete Key Award, and yes, I'm just a big thief who steals other people's stuff, but mostly because he's an awesome blogger. Congratulations to everyone!

Presented to the.effing.librarian on July 25, 2008.

I will treasure these always.

I'm a winner!

It appears that I've won an award:


Thanks!

But what do I do tomorrow?