Fame and Fortune and other F words.

So I don't know if you heard, but apparently the Annoyed Librarian has sold out and has started writing for LJ.

I saw a post that derided her (or their) new found fame as if getting paid a little money for writing is a horrible thing. But now she has to really write stuff. She has to find a way to be annoyed about libraries once or twice a week in order to earn her keep; and this means she's probably going to have to make stuff up. I hope she can figure out how to do it and still "keep it real." (sorry.)

But because of this news, I feel I need to confess something to all of my readers, the.effing.librarian has been making money writing about libraries for many years now, for example:

Dear Penthouse letters,

You won't believe what happened to me in the LIBRARY the other day. I was browsing the stacks looking for a tune-up manual for my badass Kawasaki 650 when I was approached by a woman who was pretty stacked herself. She had huge double-D's, and when she noticed my gaze targeting her huge rack, she pressed past me in the narrow aisle and pushed those well-fed puppies against my tense chest. And you can bet that's not all that was getting tense.

She was somewhere in her thirties, a little on the plain side, but pretty, with her hair pinned up in the back and her lips colored the same bright red that was printed on the "no cell phones" sign in the front of the Circulation desk. Her skirt stretched against her firm backside as she bent down to retrieve my book.

"That's a tight ride," she said and grinned, hinting that she was also a tight ride. "I bet you can ride it all night."

What she said wasn't Fiction, and we hooked up later on.

As you can see, we all need to make a little extra cash; I got $50 for that one. But unlike the Annoyed Librarian, I don't need to make up stories to do it.

Protect your librarian nest egg.

As you are a librarian, I know you make at least as much as a Wal-Mart stock clerk. And if you're like me, you probably have most of your money invested in collectible Pez dispensers and Hot Wheels cars. If so, you're confident your investments are secure and sleep well each night knowing you've done the best you can to prepare for your retirement. I own one of only three known Alice B. Toklas Pez dispensers. Yeah, I know, cool.

Seriously, some people actually own real estate. Ha!

With the economy the way it is, you never know if your local bank is going to fail (yeah, some people still put their money in banks, crazy, I know). If you're concerned about your savings, take a look at the Electronic Deposit Insurance Estimator (EDIE). But if you belong to a credit union, you need to look here.

The fact is, you need to make sure your money is safe. So if you're interested in a near mint "Who Shot J.R.?" Pez of Larry Hagman, with bullet hole, send me an email. That baby is classic.

Why do we blog?

The Rowling-Vander Ark trial just learned me that blogging does not pay because "He [Vander Ark] said his Web site was hardly a gold mine, having earned about $6,500 from advertising from 2000 to 2007, though he estimated that it had been visited by 1.5 million to 2 million readers a month."

That's gross? Or is that net profit? I always thought these people with millions of hits made tons of money. So now I wonder what the hell I do this for.

Strike that. I never did this for money. I sell shirts, but I don't mark up the prices; I don't make anything from the sales. I just think it's a funny slogan. And I haven't compiled all this crap into a book, although I still might. But man, to think that all those visits never produce a decent income is depressing. No wonder he wants to publish that book.

And I'm not a social person. At gatherings, I like to get a plate of lasagna from the buffet and stand in the corner sipping a bourbon and Coke. Unless my friends are there, then there's a real chance I'll get crazy drunk and dance and tell jokes and make the fool, even at a funeral where I could end up swapping clothes with the deceased. (Sorry dad, I know you wanted to be buried in your favorite suit.)

I see some people blogging long, detailed posts, emotional, joyful, regretful, angry posts with very few or no comments. And I think, good for you for not simply linking to pictures of JK Rowling's boob popping out and tagging it with whorish keywords.

And for the most part, I feel that social networking sites are for crap, with all the stuff you need to enter into your profile just to look up a high school friend. It's like being invited to go to a fun costume party but told to dress as your favorite fifteenth century cartographer. Screw it, I'm going as a pirate.

So thanks for stopping by. You ain't making me rich, but you're welcome just the same.

How much is your blog worth?

This isn't at all worthwhile, but it's fun.
http://www.business-opportunities.biz/projects/how-much-is-your-blog-worth/