Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Winner is: Meadville, Pennsylvania!

Congratulations, Meadville!

Oh, why Meadville? you ask. Why not Meadville? As one of the disputed homes of the origin of the zipper, Meadville might be responsible for keeping that dress from sliding right off your back.

And Meadville is the formerly proud home of Sharon Stone, whose leg-spreading antics have cast a dark shadow on Meadville's good zipper-influenced reputation.

Hey, the City of Meadville web site doesn't seem to have a link to the Meadville Public Library... aren't you proud of your library, Meadville? Not proud enough to give it a link? I don't care if they are part of the CCFLS. Fuck you, Meadville. Yeah, my loyalties turn on a dime. And fuck you, zipper!

But not you, Sharon Stone. You may forever be known as "beaver woman" to the rest of the world, but to me, you will always be the bad ass bitch in Total Recall.

And for the rest of you: don't try to anticipate when I will select a winner. Just let is surprise you.

And, Oh, what a pleasant surprise it is to win. Just ask all the other winners how this award has altered their fortunes. Who'd ever heard of Seattle before I bestowed that glorious crown upon its head? I hadn't. How do you even pronounce that? Seetle? See-a-turtle? Whatever.