Monday, October 5, 2009

A real adult video store worker doesn't kiss and tell.

I don't usually post incidents at my job because then I have to remind myself that you all think I'm a librarian and so I have to remember to change all references to "the adult video store" into ones for "the library."

Actually, I am a librarian. Why would I lie about that? Why would anyone pretend to be a librarian? But the point is that I don't want to dwell on all the crap that goes on here. I don't want to formulate the events into sentences and correct the grammar and punctuation until the memories are stuck in my head for good. I hate filling out incident reports because then I have to remember the facts about the feces or stolen items or kiddie porn or blood. How do you think Batman does it? You think Batman files written reports?

But sometimes the adult video store, um, library just confuses me.
Like today, a guy asks me this:

When is the next computer available?

I don't do the Internet reservations. Internet sign-ups are done at that desk.

When is the next computer available?

Internet sign-ups are done... [Interrupts]

You already told me that.

I'm still trying to figure out what sort of answer he expected. I mean, he really did ask the exact same question just five seconds earlier. Did he think something had changed? Is it polite for me to tell him he just asked that question? Maybe he's a cop and his job is to ask the same question over and over until he breaks me and I confess to pulling that bank job.

When is the next computer available?

Awright, you got me, copper. I done it. It was me, all me. Take me, but don't tell my Ma, it'll break her heart.

I tell myself that it's not professional to discuss real patrons and real problems. Unless it's funny, then it's okay.