Thursday, October 15, 2009

B*A*D '09 (Blog Action Day)

This year bloggers from around the world unite to fight a common enemy: Denver, Colorado.

The official issue this year is Climate Change, but one of the potentially catastrophic effects of a warmer climate is the rising oceans, and which American city would survive when the ice melts and the seas rise and the world is under water? Leadville, Colorado, the highest town in the continental United States.

What? You don't know where that is? That's why I picked Denver, which is only about fifty miles from Leadville and has way more Starbucks. So it's that much more evil.

When the polar ice caps melt, Denver will be high and dry and ready to host the Summer Olympics even though it was finally going to be Reykjavík's turn, except Iceland's been completely submerged since the previous Thursday.

And Climate Change won't just cause melting ice to force polar bears to move south to eat Canadians, but it could actually force the bears into hunting for food in Chicago, Illinois, one of our fattest, and hence, tastiest cities. Polar bears can smell pepperoni-stuffed Chicagoans from 30 miles away.

Come on, humans, let's get our thermal and chemical output under control. Because the planet doesn't need us. It did just fine with the dinosaurs before we were even monkey-people.

And if we don't fix the planet, I'm not sure what animals are going to take over after we're gone. But there's a cockroach on top of my refrigerator wearing a life preserver and sunblock who's giving me the stink eye, so that could be a clue.