Thursday, September 24, 2009

What are you doing? No, wait, don't tell me.

A response to, Twitter faux pas: 20 dreadful types of tweet.

"Below are 20 types of tweet that make our toes curl..."
[By Matthew Moore,]

1) Mock surprise at your own success
2) Group tweeting on a night out
3) Anything, anything, anything about sex
4) 'So bored'
5) RIP
6) Intimate family moments
7) Public feuds
8) I'm a celebrity and I'm friends with other celebrities and we're just too witty
9) 'Inspirational' quotations
10) One household chore, several vapid tweets
11) #Moonfruit
12) Funerals
13) One word tweets
14) Solipsism
15) 'What did I miss?'
16) Teasing tweets
17) Too many tweets
18) Failure to hat-tip
19) Simple factual questions
20) Prolonged sporting tweets

This article points to twenty things we should never tweet. But I say, with the utmost respect to the author and the publication, what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about?

The tweet box says right above it, What are you doing? It doesn't say, Tell me something useful, or Entertain me, you clever bastard. It says, What are you doing? With no expectations. It is a puppy starved for its human's attention. Twitter only wants love. And to sniff your crotch.

There are many elitists who are attempting to apply some tweet ethics to this simple service:
  1. Don't tell me anything that I don't want to hear.
  2. Consider me before you type anything.
But Twitter doesn't need enlightenment. What it lacks in insight , it makes up for in volume. Twitter is the least ​transformative experience you will ever have on the Internet.

Twitter is a record of the banality of the human experience. It is us at our foundation. Are humans vain, petty, self-absorbed, pompous, confident, proud, truthful? Yes, Twitter shows we are all of these things.

When the author of the article asks, "Are your tweets worthy of my attention?" the only answer I have is maybe you don't really belong on Twitter.

Oh, and RT via @ZuDfunck Twitter faux pas: 20 dreadful types of tweet