Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Please Join Us in Welcoming Our New Sponsor: OdorMarc

the.effing.librarian is proud to announce our partnership with our new corporate-affiliate and sponsor: OdorMarc, Location ID Systems.

We have broken our previous relationship with Hallllibuurrton Industries, makers of LoveSoft, personal sensual lubricants, and DeathSoft, the long-range military self-guided bomber aircraft, so please stop buying their crap, I don't care how much personal lubrication you think you need.

OdorMarc is a fantastic new library product, and we are all very excited to have them on the team. OdorMarc is a patented (Liberia, Uruguay) shelf management system utilizing an individual's most powerful sense to locate and organize library collections.

Colors are deceptive. Is that book spine chocolate, sienna, burnt umber, saddle brown or just plain brown? Are you viewing the colors through incandescent light, sunlight, white light, fluorescent light or candlelight? How will you ever find your books now that Dewey is no longer in fashion and all those spine labels have been torn off by that new idiot library director who thinks he can run the library like a Barnes & Noble?

Most books look too much alike for any standard classification system to organize them properly. Research shows that humans are 71% more likely to identify an object by smell than by touch, taste or even sight.

So OdorMarc solves these problems by assigning smells to books. Cherry, Rose, Vinegar, Vomit, Fish, and forty more perfectly recombinated scents. One simple OdorMarc Strip® is all it takes placed inside each book, but each strip is saturated with a complex combination of Pherotomes® (book scents).

There are 45 scents which combine to create a staggering 2.4 million unique smells. For example, here is what one customer says when she browses her library's collection: "Mmm, coffee, banana and mint tells me this book is AutoCAD 2009 for Dummies. And, Oy! Dog crap with a hint of cinnamon.. This must be The Da Vinci Code... No, wait.. who let a freakin' dog in the library?"

With OdorMarc, there's a scent for every book on your shelves.

Is your library suffering from budget cuts? Are you considering cutting the lighting bill to save money for essential library services? Well, you'll never be lost in the dark, with OdorMarc. Find any book; just follow your nose.