Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Effing Librarian Exists.

It's one thing to call oneself the.effing.librarian, but to have another acknowledge the name and use it, is pretty okay. "Good morning, the.effing.librarian," my girlfriend says cheerfully. "Pass me the butter, the.effing.librarian." "I swear, the.effing.librarian, I'm going to kill myself if you don't drop that ridiculous name."

"No, I'm not calling you that," is what I expect to hear from her, particularly when I demand to be called Lord Flatulo, when I'm full of farts. I think it's the cape that really bothers her.

So when John Kelly of The Washington Post used it in a follow-up to his column, It's a Plot, I Tell You! (By John Kelly, April 7, 2009), it made me feel a little better about my name.

I mean, I like my name, and I know you love my name (...except for that one of you who expected me to be called "The Fucking Librarian" -- which, by the way, is the title of the musical theater script I currently have waiting in the "to read when Hell freezes" pile at Amy Adams's agent's office).

But anyway, I emailed John with my comment on his column about the disappearance of library date due stamps and how he felt it was a plot for libraries to collect more money in late fees when he couldn't remember when to return his books. He seemed to be inviting commentary, so I sent him some. And he followed up today with the suggestions he'd collected from concerned readers, "Okay, So End of Library Stamps Isn't the End of the World," [Wednesday, April 8, 2009; Page B03].

I think you need to be registered to read it, so I will reproduce it here:
Finally, a Florida librarian and blogger -- who goes by the online name The Effing Librarian -- wrote: "The plot is to accelerate senility by outsourcing your memory to a computer. The old date stamp sparked thought as you wondered who had the book last or why there was a nine-year gap between those last two borrowers. The date stamp was a link to history. But a paper receipt, or even no receipt, is just more crap to find a place for because it doesn't belong anywhere; the receipt doesn't even make a good bookmark, it's so small and flimsy."

The plot, TEL wrote, is to give Google unlimited power. "Because you won't remember your PIN or even the library Web address. So you'll Google it -- 'when are my library books due back?' -- and Google will show you ads for Amazon's Kindle."
So, again, pretty cool,... now that I've decided to give up being the.effing.librarian. Forever. Or until I can find a way to make money from it, like Joss Whedon did when he revived the idea for Buffy, the Vampire Slayer several years after the movie came out.

Now, I don't see Kelly's column in NewsBank, yet, but there is evidence that this should be in the actual paper, so as soon as we get it at the library, I'll be sure to tear it out so I'll have it forever.

Oh, I meant, copy it. Tear it out... we librarians never admit to that in public.