Thursday, March 12, 2009

Not Game for Gaming Gamers

I was reading an interview with a librarian about gaming in libraries and I began to get agitated. And then that agitation grew to full-blown annoyance until I was more than a little pissed off.

The subject of the article loves to play games, all kinds of games, and thinks that libraries should do more to promote gaming programs to the public. I wasn't pissed off at the idea of gaming in libraries, but I think I was just pissed at the idea that a professional librarian would push for something he likes.

Well, maybe that's not really the problem. I'm not sure. But librarians are supposed to represent everyone, so when someone uses his position to promote something he enjoys in his personal life, then I begin to think something is wrong.
"I'm sorry, Sir a-Lot, but you must find someone who does not particularly care for large culos to promote your cause for you. You are too closely related to this issue."

"But I like big butts, and I cannot lie."
I distrust anyone who is giddy with enthusiasm for spreading his cause. Except for the above example. The cause for big butts ranks right up with world peace.

You know what I mean? It's like if you work with a librarian who has some hobby or interest and then they quit and your library is left with 200 books about juggling. Or syphilis.

In the library, I have the Bigfoot area. Books on Bigfoot are in the Dewey area for 001.9 (see, I know what I'm talking about). I don't like or dislike Bigfoot. But I don't, ever, in any way, want the Bigfoot collection to expand. I don't think everyone should know everything about Bigfoot. I will order new Bigfoot books if one is published that gives new information on Bigfoot's true identity, or in any way links Bigfoot romantically with Madonna. Then, yes, I will make room for that book.

But I don't order books for the Scotch whisky section of the collection, an area that I would increase to include every volume on whisky ever printed. And I would present whisky tastings at the library from twenty different distilleries, and we would sample that single malt nectar until all the participants were shirtless and punching each other bloody until finally only one could stand and walk away. And that winner would have all his (or her) library fines forgiven.

But the gamers are always so excited about playing games. You never hear the librarian who buys the gardening books get that excited about that new book on perennials. Why all the excitement? Ooh, it's Game Night. It's Game Night! Let's all play Boggle!

The least productive thing the librarian can say to the kids at these game programs is, "Tell your friends." Because this is it. The only friends they have are each other. You think there are more of these nerds out there? Like the next time they're in Abercrombie, they'll tell everyone to come to the library to play Uno?

Maybe I'm being too hard on the gamer librarians. I guess it's good that they're excited about something. But come on, games? How difficult is it to get people excited about playing games. Did you really go to school for that? It's like me and Bigfoot; I can't keep that fucker on the shelves. They could discover an undiscovered version of Pride and Prejudice filled with pornographic sex and it wouldn't generate as much excitement as some asshole shooting Bigfoot in the ass with an arrow.

Maybe if we all got as excited about our little corners of the library, as excited as the gamers get about their crap, then... who knows?

Man, I don't know why I'm so grumpy. I think it's the daylight savings time change; it's so dark in the morning, now. And I don't really have anything against Bigfoot. I love Bigfoot. You hear that, world? I love Bigfoot. I love you, you smelly, hairy bastard! I. Love. You.