So the New York Times is looking for an actual occurrence of bacon being found in a returned library book.
Jennifer Schuessler asks, "So, readers, where’s the pork? Have you ever found (or put) any meat products in your books?"[January 8, 2009, 10:35 am. Librarian, There’s Some Bacon in My Book, by Jennifer Schuessler.]
Seriously, New York Times, what are you thinking, telling people to find/put meat in books? Thankfully, this the NYT, so teenagers are not reading it to get ideas about leaving ham, baloney, condoms, lizards, chocolate, scrambled eggs, etc. in our books. Or maybe you heard about the 19th century condoms left inside the medical books, made from "pork tripe and with a blue string at the open end to minimise spillage" (oooh, gross). So, there's your pork, Jennifer.
Or maybe you want to put out a contract on some friendly fairies (or faeries or fayreez) and see them squished flat between pages of a book.
I'd like to leave fake prescriptions for Viagra in books. Librarians would get a kick out of finding those. And fake résumés for animal artificial inseminators. And crime scene photos. And lottery tickets with numbers circled and the word "WOW!!!" written across the top. And slices of olive loaf. What the hell is the appeal of olive loaf? Do people really eat that? My dad used to buy that and make sandwiches. And he ate liverwurst. Imagine liverwurst smashed in a book. See, Jennifer, now you're just pissing me off. If I see one food product come back in one of our books, I'm kicking your ass.