Friday, January 9, 2009

The Bill of Rights is worth $19.74.

A library user who sued an Ohio library for violating his First Amendment rights was paid $1 for having his freedoms trampled. His wife and a nonprofit were also paid $1 each for a grand total of $3.00.

So, by my calculations, using The First Amendment as a guide, our freedoms guaranteed by The Bill of Rights are worth:

First Amendment: $3.00, the baseline established by this case.

Second Amendment: $2.99, almost as valuable as free speech and assembly.

Third Amendment: $0.25, really, when the hell are you going to see this happen?

Fourth Amendment: $3.25. More important than free speech, IMO.

Fifth Amendment: $3.25, again, pretty darn useful.

Sixth Amendment: $3:50. How many times has this one saved my ass?

Seventh Amendment: $1.00. Another one that doesn't mean much to me.

Eighth Amendment: $1.50. I think some people need excessive bail.

Ninth Amendment: $0.50. Not sure what this means, but it must be there for a reason.

Tenth Amendment: $0.50, again, you don't see too many protests about safeguarding this one.

So there you have it. Your rights are worth $19.74, not even a double-sawbuck.

Frankly, this guy is a complete dick since his position was that he shouldn't be denied his right to use The Bible to teach his financial planning seminar in a library meeting room (or something like that: IANAL). The library had the usual position libraries have about using public facilities to promote religion, which in Nein. Religion ist verboten. I think this has something to with separation of church and state or Atheism or something. What's weird about atheists is that they don't believe in God, but they're opposed to public displays of references to God. It's like, if you don't believe in God, then how can the representation of God mean anything to you? Isn't God like Bugs Bunny to an atheist, just another fictional character? But I've never heard atheists complain about Bugs Bunny. So that they are able to recognize displays representing God must mean that on some level they accept the importance of God. Whereas, I would think they should just ignore them. Whatever. Now I lost my place...

So because of the suit, the library had to pay the $3, plus $10,000 to the attorneys, who should all burn in Hell. See, atheists, here's a good reason to have some religion, you can tell people to burn in Hell and know what you're talking about.