Dear United States Congress,
It is imperative that Congress appropriate $100 million for libraries. Libraries are essential for freedom, yadda, yadda. And if you can't manage that, can you get me some money to cover my ass for buying the world's most expensive magazine?
ITP Publishing produced a one-of-a-kind 14K gold and 622 diamonds cover for the April 2008 launch of Kohl magazine. And I bought it for our library. Yeah, awesome, huh. I knew you'd appreciate that, since you, Congress, are known for paying $600 for a hammer.
But it really wasn't my fault, the ISSN was one digit off from the Journal of Retired Precious Moments Figurines Quarterly. Besides, I was thinking how great it would be to have a solid gold and diamond-encrusted magazine in the library to bring in the crowds. I thought it would attract more people than even our "Wii - Fit Back into our Old Pants" Nights at the library. And so purchasing that one issue devoured our entire 2008-2009 budget.
Without immediate assistance, I don't think our library can survive. And as you know, for every $1 spent on libraries, the community receives back a gajillion dollars in Monopoly money or space credits or something; don't ask me, I'm not good with numbers, duh.
So please get this check out to me asap. Yeah, make it out to Cash.
Update: The most expensive magazine in the world was stolen because we loaned it out but forgot to take I.D. Whoopsy.