Monday, November 3, 2008

What the hell is going on in Alaska?

Is Alaska at war with librarians? We've already seen the "Palin bans books" stories, and then the "librarian refuses gay book donation" stories, so now we have a grouchy Librarian villain injected into the most famous (ok, one of the most famous, the editor) Dr. Seuss story.

"FAIRBANKS — Over-sized pencil in hand, sharp grimace held on her face, the Librarian struts into the room, shushing every child in sight, unaware of the upcoming ambush one particularly pesky student — a one Sam I Am — is about to
make. 'Do you like green eggs and ham?'"

“I do so like green eggs and ham!” the grouchy Librarian declares at the end of the 18-minute production.
[By Erica Goff, Originally published Sunday, November 2, 2008]

The Librarian??? When the hell was there ever a librarian in Green Eggs and Ham? There's no librarian in Green Eggs and Ham. Besides librarian a four-syllable word and doesn't rhyme with anything. What? Contrarian? Barbarian? Yeah, so now Dr. Seuss' easy reader becomes unreadable:
"Try them please, my dear librarian."
"Leave me be, I'm libertarian."

What the hell is that?

From what I can see in the book, Sam offers the unnamed character the green-colored conconction delivered in many ways: in a car, in a tree, in a train, in a house, in a box, or in a boat, and with a variety of dining companions: with a mouse, with a fox, or with a goat. And the guy turns down every suggestion.

So all Seuss tells us is that Sam's unnamed friend is claustrophobic (fear of enclosed spaces like a box), kinesiophobic (fear of movement like on boat or car or train), musophobic (fear of mice) and nyctophobic (fear of the dark). Or maybe, the poor guy is just plain chlorophobic (fear of the color green), and Sam is torturing him with damned plate of green death. So the guy isn't "grouchy," he's terrified.

How about you suffered from ophidiophobia and some idiot kept leaving rubber snakes on your desk? Or kept shoving them in your face, saying, "Would you like them in the dark?" So in that light, Sam doesn't seem like such a nice guy, now, huh?

And especially, I don't believe that a librarian wouldn't eat green eggs and ham. Bring some nasty leftover casserole to work or a recipe you tried that didn't quite work, and it will still disappear from the break room. A librarian will eat just about anything.

So quit it, Alaska. I'm tired of your librarian bashing. And for your information, I ate the green eggs and ham in my refrigerator that had a sell-by day from 2002, and they nearly killed me, thank you very much.