Saturday, November 8, 2008

How Oprah will kill me.

It's a tiny thing, but it could mean certain death.

Oprah has an online store which sells "her favorite things" and other useless crap like the O logo Brushed Twill Baseball Cap or the O logo Workout Ankle Socks, so you can get dressed, look in the mirror and say, "O crap, I don't feel like going to the gym today."

But the thing she has that will kill me is the hand-crafted Zulu telephone wire mini-bowl (seen below).

Isn't that awesome? And it's only $17. Sure, it's small, but I like bowls. So I need to buy some. And this is how Oprah will kill me.

If you read the tiny print, it warns: Prop 65 Warning: This product contains Chemicals, including lead known to the state of California to (cause cancer) and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Wash Hands after handling.

WTF??? Oprah sells products that she knows will cause cancer? And reproductive harm? It's a small bowl, so I wasn't even considering storing my reproductive parts in it.

I don't know why she wants to kill me; we have so much in common, being loved by millions of people, for one thing.

And Oprah says, "For twenty years, I've been saying, we need to be able to give people a place where they can get a key chain, a T-shirt or a mug, or something."

So like Oprah, the.effing.librarian says, buy a freaking coffee mug, already.

I have a warehouse full of this crap (not, I think CafePress beats a child to make the mug each time you order one... wait, did I say, "beats a child"? no, never. submits an order to a highly-paid, satisfied adult worker, who is only rarely beaten, only usually around Christmas because the lashes keep him warm).

So, wish me well. I'm torn between supporting the whole African bowl-making economy, and not spawning a 30-fingered baby. Oh, well, it's for Oprah, and the extra twenty fingers might just make the kid a faster typist.