100 Lamest Excuses for Not Innovating, or for Turning Down an Invitation to Join the Office Sex Orgy, I forget which ...and that gets me into trouble.

As the.effing.librarian, I travel around this good, nay great, country of ours speaking to the kind folks who will listen to my advice about libraries and the future of libraries.

And when my talk is over and the whiners have gone home to their tear-soaked beds and I'm left with my kind of people, thinkers, doers, librarians, and we have finished the better part of a bottle of Goldschlager, the same suggestion forgoes caution and raises itself up from slumber time and time again: How's about you and me and all of us get nekkid?

And though these are groovy, happening people of progressive like-minds, there is sometimes resistance. And this is the point: if we can't bring people together for a simple sex orgy, how can we overcome the obstacles in the profession and prepare for the future of libraries?

The solution is within yourself. As you read through the list, take note of the excuses YOU find yourself making. Especially the really attractive ones of you, the ones who said NO last time. The ones who said, If you don't put your clothes back on, I'm calling the police.

So here are the top 25 of the top 100 Lamest Excuses for NOT Joining the Office Sex Orgy.

1. I'm not sure how to begin.
2. I'm already juggling way too many projects.
3. I'm too left-brained for this sort of thing.
4. I'm not good at presenting my ideas.
5. I'm too new around here.
6. I've tried before and failed.
7. I'm no good at office politics.
8. I've never done anything like this before.
9. Teamwork is a joke around here.
10. IT won't go for it.
11. My boss will get all the credit.
12. Summer's coming.
13. I'm hypoglycemic.
14. I'm getting too old for this.
15. We won't be able to get it past legal.
16. I won't be able to get enough resources.
17. My home life will suffer.
18. It's against my religion.
19. I've got too much on my plate.
20. Someone will steal my ideas.
21. I don't tolerate ambiguity all that well.
22. I don't have the right personality to build a team.
23. Now is not a good time to start a new project.
24. I'm just not not the creative type.
25. I'll be laughed out of town.

Actually, this is part of a list of "The Top 100 Lamest Excuses for Not Innovating." I found this on Dances With Books (thanks!). But as I read that list, I thought that those excuses could be found everywhere to avoid almost anything. And then I thought of the orgy thing and the answers still worked, and even better than in the original article.

So, no, the.effing.librarian doesn't travel around giving speeches. I don't even know how I would do that, never having been invited to speak. I guess I could just show up at libraries and ask for Jean or Liz or Sue until someone gets confused and lets me in to their meeting. And then I could stand at the front of the room and say a few words before anyone figured out that it was me who ate all the donuts. That could work.

See you at your next meeting. Don't worry, I'll leave my clothes on. And no, there's no flavor donut I won't eat. So don't get smart and buy all lemon-filled because I'll eat them all just to spite you.