Sunday, September 2, 2007

Superbad, Part 2

Did you have any fond high school memories when you saw Superbad?

I remember one time, I was parked on the side of the road at night "making out" (as my pals Richie and Potsie used to call it) when a police car pulled up behind us. I heard the crunch of shoes on dry grass and then a snap and then the metallic click of something familiar.
I placed my hands on the steering wheel of the car and heard from outside, "Good. I almost shot you." The cop then holstered his weapon. He was alone and had pulled his gun because he was scared for his life. On the dashboard of my car was a water pistol. At night, in the dark, the outline sure looked like a real gun, and he wasn't taking any chances.

Another time my friend locked himself out of his house and crawled into his bedroom window to get his keys. A neighbor called the cops and while my friend was in the house, three cruisers pulled up to check me out. Now, you saw Superbad, and you know how much kids like to piss off cops, so is it any surprise when I say that five seconds later I was literally picked up off the ground and thrown onto the hood of my car? BF (his real initials) then told me that he was going to bust my nuts so hard, the next time I came, I'd hear bells ring. (You know, that might just be a quote from a movie that got mixed up with the tale, who cares, it's part of the story now.) Then my friend ran out and cleared up the whole thing. And BF got in his car and drove away, never once remembering to send me a birthday card.

And once at a party, some drunk senior pointed a .357 magnum at my face and threatened to shoot me. And when I didn't freak out, he asked why not; I told him that at that distance, I would have been dead before I even heard the percussion, and there didn't seem to be any point in getting upset about it. Either he pulled the trigger or he didn't.

I would never claim to be Superbad. I've just been lucky. I've never been hit by a car and walked it off; I've never shot a police car; and I've never been trapped in a room with dudes who made me sing so they wouldn't beat my ass. So no, I would never claim to be Superbad.

At least not until I went to library school and became the badass I am today.

[I was asked if Superbad is funny. I thought it was damn funny. But it's also filthy, so read some reviews before you decide to see it.]