My most prized possessions.

If you ask a mother what she would grab first in the event of a fire, she would answer, her children. If you asked the father the same question, he would answer his Dan Marino autographed football and then his wallet and then his children.

If you asked the.effing.librarian what would get saved in the event of a fire in the carboard box he sleeps in behind the Late Nite Laundry, he would answer, without hesitation, his collection of naked lady pens.

I love naked lady pens, or as they are otherwise called "tip and strip" pens, or float pens. I didn't know that there are collectors (and here) of float pens or that there are patents involved in removing the ladies' clothing. If you look at the image, you can see that the "clothing" slips away to reveal the lady beneath. The patent page on the design is pretty interesting.

Whenever I pick up my naked lady pen, I imagine that I've just been elected the President of the United States of America. And as I take the Oath and prepare to sign my name into the Big Book of U.S. Presidents, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court realizes that he left his pen in the toilet where he was working on the day's Sudoku puzzle.

Pulling my naked lady pen from my jacket pocket avoids any embarrassment:

"Here, let me just sign with my naked lady pen."
"Let me see that. Why, look. She disrobes and dresses as you alter the orientation of the pen. You card! That is most amusing. The pleasure you must derive from such a spectacular writing instrument. You will be our most popular president, ever, as you are a true man of the people."
"Thank you, Chief Justice. Would you indulge me by pulling my finger?"

The universal appeal of the naked lady pen has now spread to the golfing community in the form of the Putt-Her (click for video).

I wonder what other products might benefit from the naked lady pen technology... Or is it, that the naked lady pen is the perfect model of form and function? Yes, that must be it. By comparison that golf club is pretty stupid.

I guess you could create a sleeve where you could insert your library card (or a smaller "key-chain" version on flexible plastic) and your library logo would appear and disappear to cover or reveal your library barcode.... that could work. But not as well as dressing and undressing a tiny lady. Or dude. But I don't own any of those dude pens. Yet.

Where is the LOVE?

Why don't you guys leave any comments? I know you've been here. I know all about you. I know if you are sleeping; I know if you're awake. And I know if you've been bad or good or ate the last piece of chocolate cake.

Don't worry; I'm not spying on you. I just subscribe to the Santa RSS feed, straight from the North Pole. I don't get the whole feed; mine's filtered for librarians only.

So lurk all you want. It's okay. We don't keep any secrets from each other. Anyway, I've seen you naked in the Hugh Hefner RSS feed. And he doesn't filter for librarians, his feed is only librarians. That Hef has always had a thing for "the bun."

Guess what? This turns out to be no joke. Playboy just printed this letter on their blog with the request, "Ever consider doing a spread of librarians?" Here, I thought I was joking and I went to find an RSS for Playboy to make the story look real, and I find a real story...that's just nuts. Somebody tell Lisnews. And fyi, Playboy did a sexy librarians layout in December 1986 -- don't those sexy eyes on page 112 look familiar? Maybe, moi? Compare them to the picture in my profile if you doubt it................ man, you are so gullible.