Monday, July 21, 2008

the.effing.librarian, private dick

You always knew I was a dick. Other than Internet consensus, we now have proof of my dickhood. And maybe yours.

I don't live in Texas, but I own a lot of guns (is 16 a lot?) and I love chimichangas, so I feel a natural kinship with that state. So it concerns me that Texas recently passed a law to expand what defines a private "investigations company."
"Texas law regulates private investigators,...and passed into law [an] expanded... definition to include companies that sleuth around in computer data." (from CNN Money, By Annalyn Censky July 18, 2008: 7:54 PM EDT)

"If a client asks the technician to dig around in search of criminal activity or to track the behavior of employees, that would constitute an investigation."
I'm a nosey bastard, so I spy on my employees and coworkers, then report them to their department head. Librarianship is a cutthroat business and the only way to get ahead is by deception and character assassination. I once got a coworker reassigned to another location by digging up his cookie file and forwarding it to his supervisor. Nobody liked that guy, anyway. Besides, I wanted his chair.

So sure, destroying a coworker to get his 7-position adjustable and full lumbar-support office chair is obvious, but why would I sabotage my own employees? Don't smart employees make me look like a better supervisor? Yeah, up to a point. As long as I'm able to assume credit for their work. But eventually, the better employee begins to make a name for herself, and that's when she crosses the line. Take her down quickly before she comes under the protection of the shogunate (or another supervisor who might lure her away to use her fighting skills to defeat you).

What Texas statutes really say is:"(b) For purposes of Subsection (a)(1), obtaining or furnishing information includes information obtained or furnished through the review and analysis of, and the investigation into the content of, computer-based data not available to the public."
(emphasis mine)

So simply looking at cookies doesn't make you a dick. But checking the IP addresses of websites viewed by computers users does.

And yep, I do that, too. Because it's fun.