When Sex Offenders Have Guns...

So I have this googly thing that shows me any news with the keywords "librarian" or "libraries" in it. And up pops, "Libraries and 'sex offenders'." So of course I gots to see it.

And, total surprise, it's some rant about freedom written by a guy who was clearly beaten with a whole sackful of crazy. A judge ruled that Albuquerque (NM) can't ban sex offenders from libraries. The author believes that any government interference is wrong, even if that interference keeps pedophiles from raping children.

But that's not the part that shocked me. Yes, you read that right: having someone say that it's wrong for the government to keep convicted pedophiles away from children is not what shocked the.effing.librarian.

The shocking part is that the author says,

"Government has no legitimate authority to violate a person's rights.
...
Aggressors should face the near certainty that their intended victim is armed... They should also face the near certainty that everyone within earshot is armed as well.
...
If you are an aggressor (sexual or not), being dead is often the proper condition."

And since I infer from the term "armed" that he means firearms, I was shocked at the thought of anyone discharging a firearm in the library. Yes, that was the shocking part, that the story seemed to advocate for personal firearm freedom and the personal responsibility to kill sex offenders on site, even in the library.

For a comparison, look at the following range of loudness:

• a quiet library (which is certainly not your library), 55dB;
• a cell phone playing Lil Wayne (featuring Eminem) [ack!], 95 dB;
• a KISS concert, 130 dB;
• a gunshot 140 dB.

And that doesn't take into account that the first-through-fourth shots aren't even going to be lethal; I mean at least two shots are going in his 'nads. So we're talking at least five 140 dB gunshots in the library. What if this happens during storytime? And Miss Lisa is reading Goodnight Moon to the toddlers?

"Goodnight clocks. And goodnight socks."
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Goodnight sex offenders' cocks."

To be fair, the story is about "sex offenders" who aren't all pedophiles. Some are otherwise hard working and decent people who were convicted of having sex with a minor, or caught exposing their private parts in public and are here reading this because they typed "libraries and sex offenders" into the search engine like most normal, decent hard working people do.

City Seeks to Ban Sex Offenders From Library

Quincy, Massachusetts, or "Birthplace of the American Dream," as it's known to the other cities in the steam room at the Club, wants to ban sex offenders from libraries. Or more specifically, they want to ban Level 3 Sex Offenders.

But what the hell is a Level 3 Sex Offender?

"Level 3 Sex Offenders

Where the Board determines that the risk of reoffense is high and the degree of dangerousness posed to the public is such that a substantial public safety interest is served by active dissemination, it shall give a level 3 designation to the sex offender."

In my online nerd guild, my Level 3 Paladin, Richard of Boone, can cure wounds and blindness, remove curses and cast magic protection circles. And, of course, has gun, will travel.

According The Official Website of the Executive Office of Public Safety (EOPS), there are 19 Level 3 Sex Offenders in Quincy out of a population of 92,000. It shouldn't be that hard to keep track of these guys. Each guy gets 4,800 people to watch his ass. There are only 8,765 hours in a year, so each resident of Quincy has only to watch his guy for about 2 hours each year.

But unfortunately, there are some rules in Massachusetts that would keep the good people of Quincy from watching these offenders:

"Information shall not be used to commit a crime or or to engage in illegal discrimination or harassments of an offender."

So I guess they need to pass this ordinance to keep the offenders away from "parks, playgrounds, schools and elderly housing" because it looks like it might be illegal for those 4,800 residents to look up their addresses and follow each of these guys around.

There are four library branches in Quincy, and I'm guessing there must be some parks in this Birthplace of the American Dream, so these "safety zones" could keep these 19 guys from going pretty much anywhere in town. Except to each other's homes.

Look at that last sentence: I was beginning to feel a little sorry for these Level 3 sex offenders and their loss of freedom to move around. What the hell is happening to me? Too much Christmas cheer? But these are high level offenders who pose a substantial risk to public safety. So no, I shouldn't feel sorry for them.

Besides, I could be fined up to $1,000 if I harass them. The story says the offender is only fined $100 for violating the ordinance. And I don't know about you, but I don't think there are any laws against harassing librarians.

Librarians have people complain about us every day. The call and harass us with requests for excessive pointless research, like finding the home address of every CEO of every company that gets federal funds, or conducts animal testing, or gives out million-dollar bonuses. Call the fucking newspaper if you want that much research.

Every patron who asks for something and when asked how much information he wants answers: "find me everything," that person is harassing you by abusing your free services. Yes, I will find you everything I can for about 20 minutes, after that, you're on your own. Where's your $1,000 fine whenever you piss me off?

But if my library would let me charge the going rate for labor at the auto dealer, $90 an hour, then, hell yes, ask me for whatever you want because I could use the extra $500.

So, no, I don't feel sorry for sex offenders who are banned from using the library or hanging around the public playground or from holding jobs that give them access to children or nursing home residents. In fact, go for it, Birthplace of the American Dream. And Thomas Crane Public Library, keep checking your mailbox because I'm sending you my resume.