Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Top 5 Web Trends for 20,009 B.C.

I looked at the Top 5 Web Trends of 2009 by ReadWriteWeb, but in my mind, I added too many zeroes to the headline. Huh? You get it? Too many zeroes. I bet this is going to be pretty funny...

So what would be the Top 5 Web Trends for the year 20,009 B.C.? I think it might go a little something like this...

1. Structured Data, or what we like to call Shelter. Shelter is a place for our stuff, or in your words, our data. Ideally, Shelter is a secure method for archiving and linking stuff. It's where the user, the interface and the data become one.

2. The Real-Time Web, or for us, Fire. We can't get more Real-Time than with Fire. Fire is hot. Almost nothing has the ability to communicate the message like Fire.

3. Personalization, or The Sharp Stick. When we want to isolate useful information, targeted for the individual, you can't beat The Sharp Stick. The Sharp Stick offers portability and a universal message, "Hey, I have a sharp stick. Watch out!" Nothing helps you leave your mark on the Web like a sharp stick.

4. Mobile Web & Augmented Reality, or what we call Language. Mobility is only valuable when mobile tools enable access to information. There is no better mobile tool for communicating a message than Language; other than The Sharp Stick. And like Augmented Reality, Language evolves with each App. New words change the power of Language which in turn helps to construct new realities.

5. The Internet of Things, or the Sun God. I don't know about you, but Fire scares the hell out of me. I can't tell you how many times I've been burned by a new version or had something get fried. But with the Sun God, everything is connected, everything is clear as the new day. Praise the Sun God, for He is One-to-Many. And One-to-One. He is everywhere. Everyone loves the Sun God.

How could I find my sharp stick without the help of the Sun God? The thing is, I can't find it. I think some dick took it. But the Sun God shows all. He tells me when to get up and when to sleep. He illuminates the darkness, except for inside the Shelter, which is where I thought I left my stick. But when I asked if anyone saw it, nobody knew what I was talking about. I tried to get some Fire to look for it, but the Fire was out and IT said it wouldn't be back for at least an hour.

So screw you, Sun God. You don't know everything. Crap. I better keep my mouth shut or that asshole who stole my stick might poke me in the eye.

[wow, that was worth the trip, wasn't it? hi-larious! you can't get comedy like this unless you make it up yourself.] *