Tuesday, March 17, 2009

My "decision cube" doesn't know shit.

I don't know if you follow the.effing.librarian on Twitter, but I've been having trouble with my decision cube.

If you don't know, a decision cube is a six-sided cube with a different statement printed on each side, pretty much like a die used for playing Yahtzee! or for shooting Craps. My decision cube helps me by telling me one of these things:

Take a break.
Go to sleep.
Stay late.
Go to lunch.
Go to bar.
Go home.

Ah, some of you are clever enough to be able to count. Yes, that's eight decisions for a normal six-sided die. But in order to answer a simple Yes/No question, I've colored three of the sides a different color. When I want to know Yes or No, I ignore the printed response and just look at which color comes up.

But as you can see, my decision cube is more like a "slacker" cube; it's weighted pretty heavily for decisions which keep me from working. "Stay late" is the only pro-work decision it can offer. And since I have so much work to do, you can see why my decision cube has become like a tiny Eddie Haskell or Beavis or Neil Patrick Harris, depending on your generation.

So far, my decision cube hasn't been much help. I've been given many more duties than a person should be expected to perform competently for as little money as they pay me, and so I'm always juggling projects. My boss said, "maybe you need help deciding which projects to devote more time to," without actually telling me because, you know, that's probably part of her job. So I got the cube. But it's not helping me get work things done.

For example, here is my latest tweet on the cube's most recent advice:

"the "decision cube" says GO TO SLEEP. what the hell is wrong with you, decision
cube? can't you see I just got up. we have to go to work!"

I've been doing less and less work since I got the cube, but no one seems to notice. Is it because the work isn't important or because I won't be around long enough for it to matter? What does this cube know that I don't? You don't have an answer for that one, do you, you damn cube!

[note: twitter deleted two of my last tweets related to the my decision cube... including one that someone replied to... that's weird.]