Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Twitter 100, um, 73.

So I didn't hit my goal of posting 100 Twitter updates. I think I had too many rules, like not cheating by pasting crap from somewhere else and typing at least 120 characters that don't include 100 exclamation points.

Since I wasted my time, I figure I'll waste yours and repost all my tweets from yesterday. Although one interesting thing came from it; it seems I coined a word. Well, made up a word; it only gets "coined" if others adopt it.

Anyway, here is an easy way to fill up my blog page with crap:

1. I starting an experiment guaranteed to piss off someone. If they actually notice.

[weird that my first update had a typo]

2. I am going to try to update 100 tweets in one day. It's just a thing I thought up. You don't have to do it... unless you want to.

3. I was just writing about my goal of 100 tweets in one day. I bet I can't do it. That's a lot of stuff to write.

4. I watched Heroes again tonight. I need to stop because it's not fun any more. I don't care about any of the characters.

5. Is there a Tweet limit? What if I update too many times in an hour? I don't think there's a limit. I'll keep going until I find out.

6. Should I tell "@eMom" that I'm using her article to do this annoying thing? Really, who wants to see 100 tweets from me? Thanks, mom.

[@eMom is the Twitter name for author of the article I wrote about in my other Tweet 100 blog post.]

7. I guess if you really had nothing to do, you could do 100 tweets without much thought. Doesn't seem to hard so far. But it's 14,000 words!

[yes, that is wrong, but I won't realize that until later.]

8. Anyway, I think it would be pretty cool if this caught on and everyone posted 100 tweets. Then I would be famous. Woo-hoo!

9. Is this a meme? I guess it could be if other people did it. Or maybe if there was theme. But no theme so far. So no meme.

10. I guess if you're going to post 14,000 in 24 hours, you should probably have a theme so you're not just wasting time. Oh well. Too late.

11. I have lizards in my house. I catch them in the corner of my eye on the wall darting past, and they're like tiny ghosts. They freak me out.

12. This was a bad idea. It's late and I'm tired. Now I'm going to waste the next 7 hours not tweeting, but dreaming of stuff to tweet. Cool.

13. I can't sleep. I have all this work to do. How could I set this goal without any understanding of its consequences?

14. If you're going to follow me and attempt this, maybe there should be rules. Like each tweet needs to be at least 100 unique characters.

15. Without rules, I would just copy and paste stuff to fill the quota. So each update needs to be original in that you can't just copy stuff.

16. I know no one cares what I write, but I still feel obligated to produce coherent messages, like the Web forces us to conform to the group.

17. I'm starting to get a headache from thinking. I think my brain is rebelling by killing me with a stroke. I better put on clean underwear.

18. Is there a word for posting a 140 character update? Is there a record for "most consecutive 140 character tweets"? If not, there should be.

19. There has to be a word for using all of your allotted 140 characters to make a post. "What is an exact 140 character tweet called?" Yahtzee!

20. Okay, I can see that 100 updates in one day is possible. But I'm sleepy now, so I'm going to bed. Send me @ replies if this was a dumb idea.

21. Wait. This isn't 14,000 words. I knew I was too tired to multiply. I'm glad I'm not out at a strip club; I'd be tipping hundreds of $$$.

22. @xx "Twoosh" is good enough for me. Someone was paying attention; I'll take that as a win and go to bed. Thanks.

[someone replied to tell me that a "twoosh" is the recognized name for a 140 character tweet.]

23. So I see that my blog post cross-posted to Twitter. Am I a hypocrite for criticizing Tweeters while using Twitter to promote myself? Yes.

24. Sorry, I'm reading an article about that's pissing me off and I'm composing my blog response. This could take a while.

25. Ok. finished that very important post for my blog on something called where I ranted and cursed for 500 words.

26. alright, I'm already late for work. I don't see how I can update 75 or 80 tweets today. but I'll see what happens. 10 here, 10 there. ?

27. so I'm trying to pull text from a pdf that doesn't have embedded fonts. it won't work. so I have to print it out then scan it to get it all

28. that saved so much more time than trying to type out the entire document. the text recognition software saves me lots of retyping sometimes

29. Hey. I shouldn't be twittering actual useful stuff. The purpose of my 100 tweets in one day is just to waste time. Cleverness is forbidden.

30. I already have a headache from what I'm doing, updating lots of documents. I have to not think about it. And think about clouds, unicorns.

31. I'm back with my attempt to post 100 tweet updates in one day. Even if it was my day off, I'd have trouble doing this.

32. People who say that you can multitask technology are probably just bad at their jobs. I can't keep track of all the documents I just opened

33. between scanning and editing the scan to saving with a new file name to opening in something that will save it as a pdf, I'm getting lost.

34. So I'm not going to think about this now. I'm just going to get back to my 100 tweets. I think I lost count, but it's probably on 25 or 30.

35. omg, someone just found my blog by searching for "bearack obama" and I remembered posting something about that one, something hilarious!

36. yep, back in February, I wrote about "sitting on my bed with my two bestest friends, Hillbeary Clinton and Bearack Obama, my stuffed bears."

37. someone needs to stop me because most of why I post is just stupid. I can't even justify it as funny. just odd: a cry for help.

38. alright I'm way behind on my quota. the math was simple, post ten times an hour throughout the day and get 100 updates, but the time flies.

39. I see that someone from Fox TV visited my site because I claimed that I was suing them for stealing my Star Trek parody idea. I was kidding.

40. I could have worse songs playing in my head than Elvis Costello's "Brilliant Mistake." But if I think about it too much it might drift away.

41. You know what's sad? I don't even get spam in my email accounts. Even scumbags don't want to talk to me. How could they know how evil I am?

42. @xx , [reply deleted-- it was about politics].

43. Oh, damn. I used a Tweet to reply to a real person. Does this mean I need to begin my count again? Do I need to start from zero, all over?

44. It's uncanny how my little avatar looks like me. With his red face and clenched fist, we could be twins. Except for all my missing teeth.

45. I wish the phrase, "jump the shark" would jump the shark. Unless you refer to the US Presidential election which jumped it at Hofstra.

46. I loathe Halloween for the irresistible variety of candies. Candy is available year round, but now it seems a sin not to eat it.

47. I think I'm at the halfway point with this being update number 50. So what do I do now? Can I just repost everything in German or Spanish?

[Twitter doesn't number these things, so they're difficult to count.]

48. I was going to write something about the US Presidential election, but I don't even care. I don't think either major candidate is qualified.

49. Okay, maybe not that they're not qualified, but I don't think our problems can be solved easily. I don't think one person can fix it all.

50. Well, now I'm sad. See? Politics is a bad topic. It just gets me depressed. I need to think happy thoughts. And buy stuff. And pray.

51. I should talk about libraries, use this experiment wisely. Do you visit a library regularly? Do you ever talk to the librarian? Try it.

52. So many people seem to be afraid of librarians. Okay, they're afraid of me. But I'm nice. I just look scary. And yes, I frighten children.

53. I'll finish this later. After my last few Tweets, I realized my heart isn't in this right now. I need to eat some dinner and clear my head.

54. the only hope I have of posting the planned tweet updates is the assurance that no one cares that I'm doing it. otherwise, I'd disappoint.

55. but still 100 tweets in one day is more work than I expected. if I stopped caring, I could cut/paste any damn thing. but I go on for love.

56. I wonder if anyone strives to post tweet poetry; unless god forbid, they call it poetweet, which would negate all art from the exercise.

57. yeah, it looks like people really use the word "poetweet" to describe their micro-poems. but I guess it's better than "tweetetry."

58. Wow. No Google hits for "tweetetry." That's a surprise, that the blogging-poet world unanimously embraced "poetweet" as a word.

59. The Internet makes the world much smaller when you see all of your unique ideas already claimed by others. All your base are belong to us.

60. Sorry. House is on. I know you're dying to read the last 30 posts of my ultra-stupid 100 update tweetathon, but I need to keep you waiting.

61. So I had to go brush my teeth. Whenever I read one of those articles about how sugar turns to acid or whatever, it freaks me out.

62. The dog is whining which she always does when she doesn't get her way. She wants me to throw the ball so she can chase it: 100 times.

63. I'm trying to find the perfect Halloween movie. So far I have Nightmare on Elm Street and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown: it's a tie.

64. Twitter keeps asking what I'm doing like it changes. I'm doing what I always do: ignoring my girlfriend by playing with the dog.

65. Actually I'm ignoring the dog and playing with my girlfriend, but that's not interesting to anyone outside of this bedroom.

66. What am I doing, Twitter? What do you care? Why are you always asking? Are you my mom? Really? Are you my mom? Mommy? I love you, Twitter!

67. I'm bored again. There's no reason to post this much garbage. Unless there is and no one is telling me. Maybe I'll win a prize.

68. I'm trying to remember things I've never experienced. Not imagining, but searching for false memories planted long ago. Ah, found one.

69. I sometimes remember things that I couldn't possibly remember, things that could never have happened, but then I forget what they were.

70. I think my only purpose is to buy things. I can't think of anything else that matters. Work to get money, then buy stuff. Nothing else.

71. I wonder if I'll have the urge to wear sweat pants soon. I had the urge a few years ago and bought some. But then I thought, "sweat pants?"

72. My dog drops the ball at my feet and whines until I throw it. She trots back with it in her mouth refusing to give it, shaking her head No.

73. It looks like my attempt to post 100 Twitter updates in one day has failed. I'm going to do something else for the rest of the night.