Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Today is “Work Like A Patron” Day

Today is "Work Like a Patron" Day when library people are supposed to:
  • enter and leave the library through the public entrance (not the staff doors)
  • use the public restrooms
  • use the public computers to do your work
  • reserve public meeting rooms for meetings
  • follow all library policies
Obviously, the person who created these rules has never actually been in a public library. So I had to modify the original rules in order to observe the day properly.

For "Work Like a Patron" Day, I plan to:
  • park in the handicapped spot;
  • bring my dog (or snake) to work;
  • use the computers to look at porn all day;
  • spill a drink on the computer and crush Goldfish crackers into the carpet;
  • tell anyone who says I owe her money for fines to go screw herself and that I will "burn her house down";
  • pee all over the toilet seat and the toilet paper roll, and not flush, (duh);
  • take a nap by the newspapers;
  • steal someone's cell phone;
  • lose my car keys and demand that the library pay for a locksmith;
  • jam the copier with foreign money or bent coins and walk away;
  • demand money back for something I never paid for;
  • use the phone at the information desk and TALK really LOUD about personal stuff;
  • pull a fire alarm when I don't get my way;
  • whatever the hell I damn well please.

So everyone enjoy Work Like a Pirate Day, or whatever the hell this is.