Today is “Work Like A Patron” Day

Today is "Work Like a Patron" Day when library people are supposed to:

• enter and leave the library through the public entrance (not the staff doors)
• use the public restrooms
• use the public computers to do your work
• reserve public meeting rooms for meetings
• follow all library policies

Obviously, the person who created these rules has never actually been in a public library. So I had to modify the original rules in order to observe the day properly.

For "Work Like a Patron" Day, I plan to:

• park in the handicapped spot;
• bring my dog (or snake) to work;
• use the computers to look at porn all day;
• spill a drink on the computer and crush Goldfish crackers into the carpet;
• tell anyone who says I owe her money for fines to go screw herself and that I will "burn her house down";
• pee all over the toilet seat and the toilet paper roll, and not flush, (duh);
• take a nap by the newspapers;
• steal someone's cell phone;
• lose my car keys and demand that the library pay for a locksmith;
• jam the copier with foreign money or bent coins and walk away;
• demand money back for something I never paid for;
• use the phone at the information desk and TALK really LOUD about personal stuff;
• pull a fire alarm when I don't get my way;
• whatever the hell I damn well please.

So everyone enjoy Work Like a Pirate Day, or whatever the hell this is.