Friday, November 2, 2007

The most insensitive book ever published.

I sent this to judge a book by its cover, but I felt like I had to say more.

Baby Names for Dummies is the most insensitively titled book I know. There's only one situation where I feel this book could be used:

Doctor: I'm sorry Mrs. Johnson.
Newly mothered, Mrs. J: Oh, no, my baby! Is my baby all right?
Doctor: Oh, yes your son is fine, but I'm afraid he doesn't seem too bright.
Mrs. J: Bright? What do you mean?
Doctor: We performed all the usual tests, showed him a picture of a bunny; no response. Asked him to name 5 state capitals, still nothing. I even held up these fingers and asked him to tell me how many, but he didn't know. And as you can clearly see, I am holding up three.
Mrs. J: Oh, doctor, what can I do?
Doctor: This book might help.

Baby Names for Dummies helps you name your child if he came out a little dopey. If your newborn shows no appreciation for Chopin or can't grasp basic Algebra, this book might be for you.

Special Features of BNforD: all our American dummy Presidents are in there. Some people believe that all the Republican Presidents have been dummys, but that's not true, remember that Lincoln was a Republican (but that was before Republicans wanted to convert people into food).

Mrs J: Wow, this is really up to date. Who knew I had so many names to choose from: Ben, Angelina, Madonna, Lindsay, Paris, Ryan, Dubya, Britney, Victoria, Tom, Dick, Bono, KFed, and OJ.

Other popular dummy names included in this edition:
Lenny (Of Mice and Men)
Fats (Magic)
Emmy (Mannequin)
Lamont ("Big Dummy," Sanford and Son)
Mortimer, Charlie, Gabbo, Sid, or Willy.

Due to licensing restrictions, no Muppets are listed.

(yes, the above is a joke. Baby Names for Dummies can be used by all Americans... hmmm, what does that say about us?)