Sunday, September 16, 2007

I'm gonna be a millionaire.

By now you've seen the story that Tom Cruise has optioned this blog to be made into a major Hollywood motion picture. The negotiations were complicated because this blog is an Americanized version of the popular Korean blog, 악마 사서.

In the film, the treatment by Kevin Smith having been rejected, the second draft by Shane Black stripped of all coherence, and final shooting script penned by Tom himself, Mr. Cruise, plays Jock Lembeck, the most decorated astronaut at NASA.

Fresh from his recent divorce, Jock is again butting heads with his teen daughter, Montana (played by the beautiful Hillary Duff). She's a stubborn, tough-as-nails, French horn prodigy on her way toward being accepted into the great Académie de Klaxon Français in Bon-Bon, France. If only Jock can convince her to dump her tongue-studded, bass-playing boyfriend (played by the hilarious Topher Grace).

When Ace Textar, one of NASA's new breed of "Podstonauts," an iPod wearing, Blackberry texting top gun, gets sidelined due to a repetitive stress disorder, it's up to Jock, recently put out to pasture by the current administration, to save the day.

An asteroid the size of, oh, what's that country? You know the one...they made a movie about it... Madagascar! That's it. Is heading right for earth! Who would have thought it could happen? So Jock pilots the newest NASA rocket, the one that Jock designed himself but those blockheads in Washington would never fund until it was almost too late.

The plan is for Jock to land on the asteroid and divert it's path away from earth. But when Jock lands on the surface, he finds that his very thoughts can form mass and he's become the master of energy and space-time. With this new found power, Jock has the ability to have anything he's ever wanted. Will the lure of all this power keep Jock from fulfilling his mission?

Oh, and blogging and librarians is mentioned somewhere around page 34.

Sounds great, huh? Thank God I took the points on the back end; this thing is gonna make billions.

[ok. this is all fake. don't sue me.]